I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
