just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
