wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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