If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
