I CAN MOONWALK!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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