So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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