True but thats because hes a fetus.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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