I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
