oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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