You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
