Porn is love you can see.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
