Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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