okay pat passed out under dana's car
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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