just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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