Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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