Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
