Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
