She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
