So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
