So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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