i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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