Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
