i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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