She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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