woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
