u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize