I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
