i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
