whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
