look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
