she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My ass is underappreciated
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
