U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
