I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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