Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
