his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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