New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
