i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
