How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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