what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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