I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
