Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize