I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
