I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
