The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
