addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
