my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
