You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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