i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
