i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
