My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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