just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They are going to name an STD after you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize