false alarm. still invincible.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
