my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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