I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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