Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
