sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
