Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
