i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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