She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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