The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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