Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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