Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
