i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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