her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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