our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You made out with two different species that night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
