Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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