Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
