after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
