At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize