I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
