I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize