addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
