i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
