That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
