You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
