Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
