I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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