you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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