it wasn't lemon gatorade
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
