every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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