Don't you send me to vm
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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