I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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