Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
