hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
