i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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