he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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