mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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