3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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