New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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