Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
