I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
