So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
