why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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