those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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