There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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