hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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