i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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