im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
