dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
