a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
