I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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