At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
