He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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