My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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