This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
