good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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