Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
