she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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