So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
