Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
