ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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