Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
